Monday was a substitute holiday for the previous day’s thanksgiving, and was proof in Okinawa that miracles can happen! Please excuse the pun (which will be revealed later). Got the tediously long bus into Naha on Monday to meet up with a friend (45+ minutes on the bus, when it would take me 20-25 driving, and with a a crazy woman behind me and an old guy who kept coughing up phlegm on the floor in front of me… you have to love public transport here). Decided to go to the Jusco at Haebaru for some lunch and to wander around. Jusco is a big shopping centre with a main supermarket type area, and then lots of little shops and restaurants. Well on the way to the restaurant area we saw lots of people gathering and then a sign saying that “Miracle Hikaru” would be performing at 2pm. Now I am sure that 99% of you are thinking something similar to, “Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?”, so let me explain. In Japan there is a very famous singer called Utada Hikaru. She sings pop songs, ballads etc but stands out from the usual rubbish that frequents the Oricon music charts as someone with a decent voice. She also sings in English on occasion and speaks almost perfect English too. I have posted about her in the past so go have a look if you have a minute or 2.

Anyway, Miracle Hikaru is a Utada Hikaru impersonator. Usually nothing so special especially if you’ve seen impersonators in Japan, although this one is different as she actually looks and sounds like Utada Hikaru! In fact, she has got the mannerisms down really well and it can be difficult to tell the 2 apart. Both Hikarus have appeared at different functions together and they seem to have a good professional relationship. Miracle Hikaru is also very funny in her own right. You can see the similarity below, although why Miracle Hikaru (left) looks like she’s got a big head and is a human caricature, I don’t know!

So anyway, I had lunch and then headed over to see the performance as I’ve got a lot of time for Utada Hikaru and think this impersonator can be pretty funny on the few times I’ve seen her on Japanese music shows like Hey!Hey!Hey! There were loads of people there now and it was tough to get a decent view. It was also a nice social experiment to see how Okinawan (maybe Japanese, but I will keep with Okinawan here) people are when there is something they want to see. I saw a couple of guys with big zoom lens cameras pushing through kids and pulling people back so they could get some photos, before walking away. As for Miracle Hikaru, her performance was… interesting! She did a few songs while dressed up as Utada Hikaru in the “Traveling” music video (she does have a very good voice too) before doing what seemed to be about 25 minutes of stand-up comedy stuff. She then finished off with another couple of Utada Hikaru songs (unfortunately not including Passion, which is by far by favourite of hers. She finished, the crowd applauded and Miracle Hikaru went off to collect her hefty paycheque.

Which got me and my friend thinking… just how much would someone like that earn for such a performance. I mean, the woman’s been on TV and had multiple appearances around Japan so she’s pretty famous and so won’t be cheap to start with. You’ve then got to take into account a return flight from mainland Japan (probably Tokyo) to Okinawa, accommodation, food & expenses and other costs incurred. We came to the conclusion that it was probably around $3,000 or more, but that is a very rough estimate. However much it was, it’s nice easy work if you can get it, and fair play to her for doing so.

Now talking about an impersonator is pointless without showing her in action, so take a look at this video clip. Even if you don’t understand the Japanese, you can see the reactions and similarities between the two.

From the land that brought you Best Leatherist, Best Leggist, Best Hippest, Best Jeanist and Person Best Beer Person comes a new award. Am sure the animal rights folks are gonna love this one as the Japan Fur Association has announced the winners of their “Fur of the Year” contest. Apparently this award goes to the people who “Look best in fur”. And so let me introduce to you Masato (K-1 fighter) and Miki Mizuno (actress) in all their furriness.

You will notice the “guts pose” both of them are showing off (fist in the air). Not really sure what this is supposed to signify but you see a lot of people doing it in photoshoots and publicity events. EDIT: I have just wasted 5 minutes of my life researching the “guts pose” and can now offer a definition, courtesy of Wikipedia:

He (boxer, Guts Ishimatsu) is credited with coining the word “Guts-Pose,” now commonly used in the Japanese language. The word comes from the peculiar pose he struck after winning fights, where he would pump his fist up and down in the air. He has explained that his right hand shows his own joy at winning the fight, and his left hand shows his gratitude to the crowd. Japanese pitchers are often seen striking this pose after finishing a game/inning, or striking out a batter.

Although more amusingly, I found a little trivia about boxer Guts Ishimatsu. He was once arrested for fighting with 8 members of the Yakuza (the Japanese mafia). When arrested, he defended his actions by saying the certificate he was presented on winning his boxing title states “he must take on any challenger at any time”. Sounds like something out of the WWE! But I am going off on a tangent again so back onto fur.

Just a thought, being not so fashion conscious (as anyone who has seen my wardrobe can attest to), is fur still a big thing in the civilized world? I know PETA do a lot of work against fur but I thought it had mostly just gone out of fashion, due to those being seen with a dead fox hanging from their shoulders seem to get bad publicity for some reason. Am pretty sure there’s not such thing as a “British Fur Association” although I would welcome being proved wrong if anyone can tell me otherwise. Masato was obviously very excited at the award, saying “I’ve always wanted a fur product and for it to happen like this. I’m delighted. When I looked in the mirror, I thought I looked pretty cool”. How wrong you were Masato. Let’s be honest, you look like a Japanese guy who’s watched too many John Wayne films and is wearing jeans that have shrunk just that bit too much in the wash. Ms Mizuno doesn’t look too much better in her cheetah or whatever it is jacked. Now don’t think I’m some huge conservation-loving, tree-hugging, environmental activist. I personally would love for Mizuno go for the trifecta of fur jacket, whaleskin handbag and brown baby seal eye as broach; best furrist, whaleist and sealist all in one would be the proverbial Holy Grail! Plus I would love to see the media reaction.  But hang on… another point has just come to mind.  If Masato is saying this then it sounds like he has never worn fur before.  So how the hell can he be named best furrist or whatever it is?!  These are the things causing me lack of sleep each night - it just doesn’t make sense!

All I’m saying is that you’ve got these 2 folks promoting fur, and 40-year old Aya Sugimoto looking like this in a recent shot for PETA.

Which looks better?

Here’s an interesting story which is making the news in the UK, and also which has featured in the International Herald Tribune, but unsurprisingly not in Japan. Firstly, I should quickly introduce the concept of pachinko. I have mentioned this in a previous article of mine, but it’s basically slot machines that people can win prize tickets from. They exchange the tickets for prizes (e.g. a bundle of toothbrushes or soaps) when they leave the pachinko parlour, and then they go next door where a shop will buy the prizes off them for money. The prizes then go back to the pachinko parlour and the customer goes back into the parlour to spend more money. It’s just a way of getting around the no gambling laws in Japan. Everyone knows what the deal is with them, but seeing as a lot of pachinko parlours are run by the various Yakuza syndicates in Japan, the police don’t bother them at all. And if you come to Japan, you’ll see that Pachinko is huge business here, with their extravagant buildings lit up like Christmas trees and in almost every town and district in Japan (with the exception, I think, of Harajuku and/or Omotesando). They are especially popular in Okinawa, unfortunately, which has relatively low salaries to start with compared to the rest of Japan. I have personally heard from 3 people who have a member of their family that basically just blows their whole salary on pachinko each month. But seeing as gambling is banned in Japan, there is no such think as Gamblers Anonymous and no movement to support these people. Doing that would be admitting there is a problem here which would disrupt the wa (harmony in society).

These machines usually feature things like anime characters, music stars (Koda Kumi is featured on quite a few machines) or famous samurai dramas. But the latest pachinko machine made by Famista is causing somewhat of a stir outside of Japan. Apples, cherries and the “BAR” symbols that are usually matched in these machines have obviously been seen as too passe, and so in their place we now have pictures of Japan’s most wanted murderers, in the new slot machine “Slot Detective”. Yes, if you match up 3 wanted criminals then you win big! As soon as I read about this the palm went to my face and a “please say this is some sort of sick joke” thought flashed through my head. But then I realised where I was, and that this was entirely plausible.

Famista have tried to justify the release of this machine by saying it is providing a valuable social service. This game, playable online, through your mobile phone or in pachinko parlours, will give information about the wanted people if you get a jackpot, the crimes they are suspected of and what to do if you see them (probably something along the lines of, “Just have one more gamble before you report them”). “There are many internet sites that display photos of those on the wanted list, but they are not necessarily visited frequently. By mixing it with entertainment, we thought we can make some contribution to the police efforts” said a spokesman from Famista. The police are not so taken by this idea though and have criticized it, although they have not called for it to be taken offline and out of the pachinko parlours. Am assuming this is because the game is paying out well to them and they seem to be better at catching these criminals on their computers and phones than they are in real life.

As you can imagine, the blogs and news sites are jumping on this and there is a lot of condemnation going on from sites in different countries about this (especially as Ichihashi, the main suspect in the Lindsay Ann Hawker case is one of those featured in the game). However, nothing is being said about this on the Japanese news and I doubt the reaction here would be that strong anyway. The question will be: can pressure from the media and the bad publicity this might bring to Japan once again cause the police or government to take action against this game and have it taken down.

Could you imagine a video game being released in the UK or USA where you can play as or against real life wanted criminals? I can hear the Daily Mail journalists sharpening their pencils in hope!

Time for a bit more Engrish tonight, and here I am with a bizarre little message.

“Mom milk is maternal affection”. Indeed it is, but where the hell could you find a slogan like this? Could it be from a promotional campaign promoting breastfeeding and how it provides nutrients to children that powdered milk cannot provide, while at the same time strengthening the mother-child bond? Err… no. Could it be on the latest array of Japanese breast pumps? Errr… no. Could it be on the side of a cardboard magazine rack found at the Y100 store in Japan? Bingo!

News just coming through on the news wires on BBC and in Japan. Seems like the Japanese whaling fleet has slipped out of the port near Hiroshima to head for the Antarctic for their annual hunt. Readers of this blog or the news will remember the protests made by the Sea Shepherd and Greenpeace during last year’s whaling season. This time Japan is trying to minimize this by leaving without official announcement or any sort of leaving ceremony. This will do almost nothing though and I’m expecting similar extreme protests by Sea Shepherd. Am quite pleasantly surprised that Greenpeace will be limiting its protests and whaling awareness campaigns to within Japan. This could possibly be because they are trying to distance themselves from the actions of the more extreme environmentalist groups. An interesting recent Greenpeace-commissioned study has shown that just 31% of the Japanese population are in favour of whaling, whereas 25% were against it. This seems to be showing a changing opinion of the Japanese populace, although what is causing this change is uncertain. Groups like Sea Shepherd and Greenpeace are portrayed in the Japanese media as being pirates of the high seas, stopping the courageous whalers from conducting research on these mammals.

Keeping numbers the same as last year, the Japanese whaling fleet will be hunting 935 minke and 50 fin whales as part of their “scientific research”. What their scientific research is going to tell us all this year, who knows. Probably that there are enough whales to support doing the same thing next year. Looks like whaleburgers are ready to be on the menu for mainland Japan’s school lunches in the near future!

Very mixed news on the car front. Was driving home from work on Thursday and noticed that whenever I stopped the car at a set of lights the battery light would flicker on. Thought “that’s not too good” and so changed my Rev/Speed meter to measure battery voltage. Now usually I’m making about 14V when I’m driving and about 13.3V when idling. At the lights I was registering 11.2V and when driving 11.7V. This meant that the battery was discharging even with the engine on and me driving. As I got closer to home, the lights on my car were getting dimmer as the battery faded. This resulted in a comical situation when I came to a set of lights. I turned on my indicator and whenever the indicator light was on, the needle on my tachometer went down, then when the light went off, it went back up! Just about got home and then the battery was well and truly dead. Did some testing with a multimeter this weekend and found that the alternator was well and truly broken. It should be producing 13-14V and was producing a whopping 0.5V. May as well throw a couple of AA batteries in there for all the good that little power’s going to do!

Did some hunting around as alternator’s aren’t too cheap. I found out a rebuild here in Okinawa would cost me around $200-350 depending on what I wanted replacing, and a new alternator would cost me $520 from Mitsubishi. Not really what I was wanting, although I don’t really need my kidneys and could sell them to pay for it! But then one of my friends suggested I research if any Mitsubishi cars in the States had the same alternator as maybe I can get a cheap replacement one from there. Cue me spending about 4 hours using the Japanese and American CAPS (Mitsubishi parts system software that I have) and matching up part numbers online to try and find out what would work. I eventually found that a 1994 Mitsubishi Expo LRV (see below) has the same alternator as mine, and from autozone.com it would cost me $200, but with a $60 rebate when I send them my broken alternator. Not a bad deal and it should be here within a week or so. So fingers crossed I will be back on the road by the start of December.

And then onto my car insurance situation, I got a quote from the bodyshop on Saturday. They said they were assuming the other guy would get a large proportion of the blame, and so would make sure they did a good job on it. I have been quoted $1100, mainly because of the position of the dents on the car (right on the edge of the door), and the fact that the scratches were nicely spread over 4 body panels and the wing mirror. I would go and get other quotes, but seeing as the car is basically immobile in its parking spot, I can’t really do that. But good news was received on entering work this morning. My insurance company got in touch with me and said that the other guy had accepted blame and so his insurance would be paying 100% of the cost of the repairs. So I have told them the name of the bodyshop and they are just checking with them to make sure they amount they have quoted me is reasonable.

You’ve got to take the rough with the smooth with my car, and I know that when I have one problem, I usually have 2 or 3 more within the next couple of weeks. Finally, one potential problem I could have had was solved on Saturday when I replaced my front brake pads. Have to say they made Kate Moss when she was in her waifish best look obese! Hopefully I’ll have more car news to report in the next week or so and I can fire the engine up again in the near future.

OK, a bit of a new feature for this site, but something some of you may have seen elsewhere on the internet. Some call it Engrish, some call it Japanese English, some call it “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”. I just call a joy of being an English native speaker in Japan. Everywhere you look, there are signs, slogans, and notices in English, and on almost every one of these signs, there will be some grammar error, spelling mistake or bad translation that just makes the wording bizarre. Once you’ve seen one or 2 you will get the idea. So we’ll start today with 2 and I’ll introduce more as time passes. Note these photos have all been taken by me unless stated otherwise.

As this started way back as a diving blog, then what better way to start then with a sign offering the opportunity to get a SCUBA ricense!

Or if SCUBA is too much for you, then you could just do some simple schnorcheling.

Just as I was getting over the car damage caused by the kamikaze old Okinawan guy and starting to look forward to the HKS Drags on Sunday, and another problem arises. Driving home on Thursday night from work and noticed that when I was idling the battery light was flickering. Checked voltage on my rev/speed meter and at idle was making 11.1V and when I was going I was making 11.7V. Not good. I made it home with my lights gradually dimming as I went, and then when I tried to start the car again the battery was just dead.

Played around with connections as I had been messing near battery terminals the night before but got no joy there. Eventually got a friend with a multimeter to come today and found the alternator is producing a whopping 0.5V. Definitely not good. So basically the battery is discharging whether the engine is on or off. So I’m definitely out of the drags, despite having paid 50 quid to enter the event

Looks like an overhaul (if I get everything done) might cost in the region of $360/245 quid. And that’s much more preferable to paying $353/364 quid for a brand new one. My only other shop would be trying to source one from a junkyard and putting it on, and hoping it’s good. And then my bodyshop came back to me with an initial estimate of repair costs of $1130/770 quid. Am really hoping that this guy gets given 100% of the blame as I don’t want to be paying money towards this unless I have to. And the problem is that I can’t go anywhere to get any more estimates because my car is pretty much immobile!

Fun times…

Well, a couple of updates. Called the insurance company yesterday morn and gave them some details.  They told me to go in so I could fill out a form so I just came back from doing that with a co-worker and the former owner of the car.  When I got there they said they had just had a call from someone and it looks like this guy’s son might have had the car insured under some sort of policy.  We went through what had happened, what he had said and she had said.  She initially said the blame would probably be 90% his and 10% mine (for existing).  After talking a little more though, she said it is possible that he could be given 100% of the blame (they are going to ask him if he will accept full responsibility).  If I was given 10% of the blame and disagreed, she said I should go back and speak to her and she would see what she can do.  It does bring in an interesting point which I’ll probably talk about in the future.  In a traffic collision in Japan, as long as your car is moving you will usually incur some of the blame (usually around 10%).  The theory which takes a little while to get your head around, is that if you didn’t exist and so weren’t on the road then you have some responsibility for what happened.  Because, if you weren’t there then no accident would have occurred.  The exception would be if the car is stationary and with the engine off.  In this instance, you are not held liable at all.

So have to get a quote or 2 from bodyshops in the next few days. Front scratch should be able to be buffed/compounded out. Rear one is more than a surface scratch but shouldn’t be too tough. Door scratch is a dent and also a tiny bit of damage to the edge of the door, so that’s gonna be a tricky one.

Driving home this evening and was slowing down to get to a set of lights. Am in the left hand of 2 lanes and brake as the lights approach. Without any warning, this small pick-up/flatbed/whatever the hell it is comes up to the side and decides he’s going to turn into me. No turn signals or anything, just changes lane into my lane and into me. Horn is slammed on and this guy just pays no attention for a couple of seconds, continuing to turn into my drivers side. Eventually he realises and pulls back into his lane but the sound of metal on metal had already been heard and damage done.

Pull over off the road and this guy just sort of stops right in the middle of the lane. I get out and take a look at my car. No structural damage but 3 not too nice looking scars along the side of it. Take a look at the driver of this truck and realise he’s in his 70s or so (at least some comfort for me in the he’ll probably be dead in the near future). At first he says my lights don’t work. I’m like “come look at them”. Then he says, “oh I didn’t see you. How much will it be?”. Alarm bells start ringing and I tell him no way, the police are coming. He wasn’t ecstatic at that but accepted it.

Cops came pretty quickly and were friendly enough. The younger of the 2 guys was chatting to me, and when was especially friendly when he realise he graduated from the same school I teach at! Took a statement from me while the other cop did the same from the old guy. At this point, old guy’s son had come from his house - a guy in his 40s I expect. He asked me if I had insurance. Of course I have insurance… we have to have insurance (mine is 3rd party, fire theft & typhoon). Returned the question and got the answer “Maybe…”. I think the phrase that first came to my mind rhymed with “clucking bell”. Basically that means he ain’t got insurance and is going to try and wing something tomorrow. Got his details though and will get my insurance company onto it first thing in the morning. The cops went to this old guy’s truck to see where it hit him. They looked for a minute or 2 but couldn’t tell due to all the other dents and marks on the truck!

Don’t mind the accident itself so much but am gonna be mighty pissed off if I end up having to pay for what he’s done to my car. I mean, it’s not a huge amount of damage but it’s still gonna have to be fixed by a body shop.

A bad end to a long week…

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